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Losing Generations

Posted by Beth Schlueter Posted on 07-25-2010

The death rates for members of the United Methodist Church are about 1/3 higher than the general population of the United States.  Does this mean we should all “get out while we still can”?  Not necessarily.  This study done by the United Methodist Church points to a major challenge the church is facing today…

In his book Present Future, Reggie McNeal makes it clear when he says:

The further down you go in the generational food chain, the lower the percentage each succeeding generation reports going to church.  The drop is from 52% of builders (those born before 1946) and seniors to only 36% of GenXers….Armed with this information, of course, churches are launching an all-out effort to reach GenXers.  I wish!  Most churches have actually just written them off, waiting for them to grow up and learn to like what the church has to offer.

In today’s passage from Paul’s first letter to Timothy, we are reminded that God’s will is for all people to be saved.  And, the only way anyone will be saved is through Jesus.  Who did Jesus leave in charge of introducing other people to him?  You guessed it – you and me…the Church.  So, how are we doing?

Well, according to Pamela Crosby from the UM Board of Higher Education and Ministry, the average age of members in the United Methodist Church is 57 and 80.1% are over the age of 40.  According to Pastor Scott Chrostek from Church of the Resurrection, with the current rate of decline in membership and worship attendance, the United Methodist Church will die in 44 years.  Along with that, the emerging generations see the Church as hypocritical, judgmental, and out of touch with reality.  This morning, we’re going to take a look at what’s going on and what we can do about it.

We live in an increasingly anti-Christian society.  Church is no longer the place to be on Sunday morning.  Everyone, but particularly children and young adults, are bombarded with more and more temptations, and the internet is both a blessing and a curse.  Add to that the increasing number of kids coming home to empty houses.  A family where kids may or may not know who their parents are is becoming the norm.  The natural human reaction is to try to find somewhere to belong.  Somewhere to feel needed and wanted.  This place used to be called the Church.

Unfortunately today’s Church seems to respond to this deep need of our young people by saying, “We don’t want you here.  You don’t relate to the way we ‘do church’ and we’re not going to change.”

I expect many of you will disagree with this because you haven’t experienced it…but I have.  I don’t believe anyone in the Church is intentionally saying it, but I have felt it.  And, I’m sure there have been times when I have embodied that attitude as well because it’s easy for you and me to settle into our routine, and forget about all the hurting people on the other side of our stained-glass windows.

Consider this story from author, pastor, and GenXer, Craig Groeschel about his first trip to church after he became a Christian:

Think about how you would feel…Craig arrives at church and he is told he’s not dressed nice enough by a grumpy usher.  He’s barely given a bulletin by a greeter, and then gets told by an elderly woman that he needs to get out of her seat.  After all that, listen to the rest of the service in his own words:

Finally a man in a gown sauntered regally to the podium and with arms outstretched offered in a very pastoral voice, “Greetings in the name of the Lord.”  Everyone mumbled something that I couldn’t understand, stood up almost as one, and the organ sputtered to life.  We sang three hymns like we were lifeless robots.  It was comforting, I guess, but odd.  The passionate words in these ancient songs were some of the most beautiful I had ever read – at least the words I recognized.

For each hymn, we sang verses one, two…and four.  What did they have against verse three?  Or perhaps someone had abducted all of the verse threes?...

After the songs, another guy in a gown came up, less regally, and droned some announcements.  Finally, we came to the feature presentation.  The guy with the nicest, fanciest gown – I assumed he was the big pastor – got up to deliver a sermon that would feed our hungry souls.  He talked.  And he talked and he talked.  And I stayed hungry.

When he finally finished, everyone got up and left unceremoniously…On my drive home, I was bewildered, struggling to understand why God – this God who had so radically flipped my life upside down, who breathed into me a new life and new passion – would demand that I waste my Sunday mornings like this.

From Craig’s perspective, can you see how some of the things you and I take for granted when we’re at church are foreign to unchurched people?  (Especially those who are younger than 45.)

So what do we do?  We can take our queue from Paul’s advice to Timothy…

First, you and I need to pray for all people.  Pray for those who don’t know Jesus that they may meet him.  Pray for wisdom for government leaders and church leaders.  Pray for opportunities to share your faith.

Second, be real.  Gandhi said, "I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians.  Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."  This disparity is why many people see the Church as hypocritical and judgmental.  If we want to regain credibility with today’s young people, then when you and I say we follow Jesus, we had better act like it – whether we’re at church or not.  We must live what we believe.  This is how we live lives marked by godliness and dignity.

Third, reach out to unchurched people; build relationships with them.  Our actions should make unchurched people wonder why we do what we do.  This gives us the opportunity for number 4:

Share your faith.  Peter tells us to “Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have.”  (1 Peter 3:15)  If you have built trust with someone, they are much more likely to be receptive to your story of Jesus’ love and faithfulness.  At the right time, they may even come to church with you…if you invite them.  According to Rev. Dr. Dick Jones, 80% of visitors to churches come because someone from that church personally invited them.

Fifth, and finally, you and I need to be willing to change the way we’ve always done things in order to welcome unchurched people (both young and old alike).  This may mean worshiping in ways that are not our favorite.  It may mean putting up with noisy or messy children because many of the “children” that have been lost by the church now have children of their own.  But, God’s desire is for everyone to be saved.  Therefore our response needs to be to do whatever it takes to reach out to those who are lost.  This isn’t a new concept!  Paul told the Corinthians, “I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some.”  (1 Corinthians 9:22)

After all of this, I’m concerned that you might think I’m saying “out with the old, in with the new” when it comes to people.  This is not the case!  Those who have been Christians for a long time have a very special job to do.  New believers and younger believers don’t have the experiences that you do.  We need you to share your stories of God’s faithfulness in your life.  We need you to say “Yes, Paul was right when he said, ‘And we know that all things work together for good to those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.’” (Romans 8:28).  And, we need you to partner with us in ministry as we reach out to those in need.

In summary, God’s desire is that everyone be saved through a relationship with Jesus Christ, but the Church is losing generations of young people.  You and I are Jesus’ ambassadors to the world.  We need to live lives of prayer and godliness so that we may have the opportunity to share Jesus with those who have yet to meet him.  It is both our privilege and our responsibility.

 

Bibliography

Barrick, Audrey; Thu, Jul. 02 2009 04:08 PM EDT; The Christian Post; “United Methodist Members Dying Faster than Americans”, http://www.christianpost.com/article/20090702/united-methodist-members-dying-faster-than-americans/index.html

Crosby, Pamela; “Churches Join Project to Gauge ‘Pulse’ of Young Adults, a UMNS feature; Nashville, TN; http://archives.umc.org/interior.asp?ptid=2&mid=3996

McNeal, Reggie; Present Future; John Wiley & Sons, Inc.; 2003.

Groeschel, Craig; It, How Churches and Leaders Can Get It and Keep It; Zondervan; 2008.

“The Emerging Generation in Church Leadership”, Chrostek, Scott; The United Methodist Church of the Resurrection; 2009.




BEING AWARE OF THE COMPETITION

Posted by Rom A. Pegram Posted on 07-11-2010

 Let’s begin today with God’s word to us from Exodus 14, as we continue on with the Red Sea Rules…

 
When the king of Egypt was told that the people had escaped, he and his officials changed their minds and said, "What have we done? We have let the Israelites escape, and we have lost them as our slaves! [over 600,000 men]" 6 The king got his war chariot and his army ready. 7 He set out with all his chariots [over 600], including the six hundred finest, commanded by their officers. 8 The LORD made the king stubborn, and he pursued the Israelites, who were leaving triumphantly. 9 The Egyptian army, with all the horses, chariots, and drivers, pursued them and caught up with them where they were camped by the Red Sea near Pi Hahiroth and Baal Zephon. 10 When the Israelites saw the king and his army marching against them, they were terrified and cried out to the LORD for help. – Exodus 14:5-10 (TEV)
The Egyptians, after the task of burying their dead [due to plagues, etc.], finally realized what they had lost—their entire work force! How in the world could the Pharaoh’s great building projects go on without this slave force? So, what did the enemy do? He pursued God’s people! And, he’s been at it ever since…
 
Folks, don’t forget where we’ve come from—our first two Red Sea Rules from last week; each week I’ll remind you of where we’ve been, then build on the past rules, as we introduce new ones… Here’s your reminder of our first week: 
  • RULE #1: REALIZE THAT GOD MEANS FOR YOU TO BE WHERE YOU ARE!
  • RULE #2: BE MORE CONCERNED FOR GOD’S GLORY THAN FOR YOUR RELIEF!
Today, we move to the next two…
 
RULE #3: ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR ENEMY, BUT KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE LORD! Sometimes in life, we might feel pursued (and so the order of this rule is very important)! Our spiritual lives should be just as real to us as our physical lives … and our emotional or cognitive lives! And, my experience has shown me that our spiritual lives will be just as real as the rest of our lives … when we’re walking with God consistently, and trusting in his guidance daily!
 
The truth is that the devil usually works in a couple of different ways: Sometimes, he launches direct, frontal attacks. I can remember one time in particular, when I was in high school, that a classmate of mine and her family had moved into a house in town (from the country). My classmate and her mother were active in the church in town. One day, my father got a call from the mom saying that ‘they were having trouble with the new house they’d moved into.’ Now, you may be thinking, ‘why call a pastor?’ If it’s a plumbing problem, you call a plumber. If it’s a structural problem, you might call a good carpenter. But, if it’s a spiritual problem, you call your pastor! My father asked me to go with him that day. I did. And, it left a life-long impression on me. You can call this a ghost story if you want to, but I know that it was much more than that… They were having trouble sleeping at night … due to noises and other things going on in the house. They sensed it was a spiritual problem with the house. In investigating the history of the home, my father found out that the previous owners were not Christians (Jehovah Witnesses), but had been into some kind of anti-Christian religion or practices, if you will. There were spirits in that house that did not like the new owners … who were Christians. We ended up, IN JESUS NAME, praying through that whole house … and allowing—through prayer—the Spirit of God to cleanse that place. In speaking to my classmate after that, she told me that after we’d prayed through the house … there were no more noises or happenings during the night. And they lived there for quite some time in peace after that…
 
Well, that was very unusual; I will admit that. More common is for the devil to be much more conniving and sinister; Satan has a way of tempting us and working to wear us down … in our areas of greatest weakness! Did you know that? And, the Enemy can be very, very sneaky when it comes to this. Even before we know it, we’ll be off of God’s path and onto some other path … and not even realize that this change in our lives has taken place. That’s why it’s so important to walk with God DAILY! This is also why in Ephesians 6:11(NIV) Paul tells us to, “Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes [italics mine].”
 
This is not something ‘make-believe,’ folks. The Enemy [of Christ and all who follow him] is very real … and we need to acknowledge him … while keeping our eyes fixed on Christ! The Apostle John (8:36, TEV) reminds us of our victory in this: “If the Son sets you free, then you will be really free.” There’s our promise from God… Acknowledge your Enemy, but keep your eyes on the promises of God!
 
Sometimes in life, we need to call our Enemy by name! If you’re ever struggling in an area of your life, sometimes it helps to NAME what it is you’re struggling with—to go ahead and NAME who or what the Enemy is in your life! For Moses and the people of Israel, it was PHARAOH; he was the Enemy whom they named… How many times do you hear that name in the book of Exodus?
 
A British newspaper (Sun) once called the Enemy by name in this headline: VICAR SAVAGED BY DOG CALLED SATAN (‘Vicar’ is an English word for what we would call a ‘Pastor,’ so this caught my attention!) The article read this way:
 “A vicar,” reported the paper, “is recovering from being savaged by an Alsatian called Satan. Alan Elwood, 45, was bitten all over his body and his trousers and shirt were ripped to shreds in the farmyard attack in Westport, Somerset. ‘It was terrifying. I was lucky to get out of it,’ Mr. Elwood told the Sun.”
Rev. Elwood is neither the first nor the last Christian to be attacked by “Satan.” And we often underestimate the extent to which the enemy seeks to disrupt our lives, don’t we? Yes, sometimes Satan gets blamed for things that are really our doing; but, many times, the Enemy is at work in our lives and we refuse to acknowledge that there are spiritual forces at work in our world… We can’t do that; we have to learn to acknowledge the Enemy, but keep our eyes on Christ! And, sometimes NAMING our Enemy is just the ticket to being able to acknowledge what’s really going on… 
  • When the Apostle Paul encountered people trying to hinder his ministry and dissuade his hearers, he saw the hand of Satan (Acts 13:10)…
  • When Paul encountered troublemakers in the church, he discerned the crafty hand of Satan (Rom. 16:17-20)…
  • When Paul found Christians harboring bitter or unforgiving attitudes toward others, he saw the hand of Satan (Eph. 4:26-27)…
Even Jesus occasionally NAMED the Enemy, didn’t he? Do you remember what Jesus told Peter one day, when he was ‘off of God’s path’ and onto the world’s? Here it is from Matthew 16:23 (NIV)…
 “Jesus turned and said to Peter, ‘Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men.’”
Robert Morgan reminds us of how we can really honor God by remembering to acknowledge our Enemy, but by keeping our eyes on Christ! He says,
 “Remember, every time we resist the slightest temptation, we honor God. Every time we overcome even the smallest problem by trusting and obeying our Lord Jesus, God is glorified in our lives. Whenever we choose character over convenience, faithfulness over ease, or honesty over deceit, we bring honor to the Lord Himself. When we serve Him with watertight obedience even in small things, God is glorified, just as at the Red Sea.”
"These things,” wrote the Apostle Paul about the events of the Exodus (1 Cor. 10:6, NCV), “happened as examples for us.” ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR ENEMY, BUT KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE LORD! That’s Rule #3; now…
 
RULE #4: PRAY (....pray with an exclamation point)! Verse 10, again, tells us, “When the Israelites saw the king and his army marching against them, they were terrified and cried out [italics mine] to the LORD for help.”
 
Sometimes in life, we need to pray like we mean it! When was the last time you cried out to God and meant it? Situations that we find ourselves in in life usually offer us one of two options: panic or pray…
 
My tendency in the past has been to panic (even now, sometimes), just like the Israelites backed up to the Red Sea … or the disciples in the storm out on the Sea of Galilee. But God has been patient with me—has loved me … and has spent years and years of my life trying to teach me that prayer is the means by which I can (if I so choose) stay even-tempered, cool-headed, & strong-spirited even in the midst of crisis!
 
So, which one of the two options do you choose … when your back’s up against a wall, life has taken you into a cul-de-sac, with no visible way out … except the same ol’ way that you came in? Remember, RULE #4 … is PRAY—with an exclamation point! Pray like you mean it; there are times in life where we need to learn to cry out … just like the Israelites did! Then…
 
Sometimes in life, we need to learn to pray with others! There’s strength in numbers that cannot be discounted… Have you ever had something going on in your life that was so important that you just had to share it with someone else who understood? That’s what praying with others is all about… It’s true that God doesn’t always say YES to all our prayer requests, but He listens very closely when 2 or 3 gather in united prayer…
 
The prayer of the Israelites was not only UNITED, but also AUTHENTIC! They had never been more earnest; it wasn’t just a ritual they were going through! They were panicked, and their outburst of prayer was real and it was raw…
 
In the NT book of James (5:16, NLT), it reminds us: “The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and wonderful results.” Sometimes in life, we need to learn to pray like we mean it … and join others in the process!
 
Folks, in the coming days, when you face what seem like impossible tasks or situations, remember that there is an Enemy (Satan)! We need to acknowledge him … WHILE keeping our focus on Christ! And, we can do that by always turning to God in prayer—united and authentic prayer, just like the Israelites did…
 
There are Rules #3 & #4… The next time we’re together, we’ll be on to Rules #5 & #6… Stay tuned!

 




KEEPING OUR EYES ON GOD

Posted by Rom A. Pegram Posted on 07-04-2010

We begin a new series today called “Red Sea Rules,” based on a little book by pastor & author Robert J. Morgan—who God gave direction to when he was going through a difficult time of life. For this entire series, our focus will be on the first few verses of Exodus, Chapter 14. It’s the story of Moses … and his life’s crowning achievement—helping free God’s people from the Egyptians. Do you remember the Moses story? As we go through this series together, I’m going to challenge you to read through the Moses story this summer! It’s found in the Old Testament book of Exodus—one of the books of Moses. Today, however, let’s begin here…

Then the LORD said to Moses, 2 "Tell the Israelites to turn back and camp in front of Pi Hahiroth, between Migdol and the Red Sea, near Baal Zephon. 3 The king will think that the Israelites are wandering around in the country and are closed in by the desert. 4 I will make him stubborn, and he will pursue you, and my victory over the king and his army will bring me honor. Then the Egyptians will know that I am the LORD." The Israelites did as they were told. – Exodus 14:1-4 (TEV)

The story of the Red Sea could be summed up like this: God will always make a way for His tired, yet trusting, children … even if He must split the sea to do it! Listen to these verses from scripture that remind us of this truth: 
  • In Isaiah 43:19 (KJV), the prophet tells us, “Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert.”
  • The Apostle Paul shares this truth with the church at Colossae (4:2-3, CEV): “When you pray, keep alert and be thankful. Be sure to pray that God will make a way….”
  • Isaiah (11:15, NRSV), once again, describes what God can do in this way: “And the LORD will utterly destroy the tongue of the sea of Egypt; and will wave his hand over the River with his scorching wind; and will split it into seven channels, and make a way to cross on foot….”
  • Paul to the Corinthian church (1 Cor. 10:13, BECK) assures us of this: “You can trust God. He will not let you be tested more than you can stand. But when you are tested, he will also make a way out so that you can bear it.”
God will always make a way … where there seems to be no way! Isn't that the way the old Gospel song goes? In studying the crossing of the Red Sea, in Exodus 14, Moses learned this life lesson … and others … that took him through some very challenging days of his life; those lessons are still good for us today! So, what do we need to know, so that we can see God at work in our lives, walking through our most difficult days with us? Here’s Rule #1…
 
RULE #1: GOD MEANS FOR YOU TO BE WHERE YOU ARE! You know, folks, at times … life may feel like a cul-de-sac! Have you ever felt that way—like your life just drove into a difficult circumstance and you felt hemmed in, with no escape from your current situation in sight? I’m sure that Moses and the people of Israel sure felt that way, as they were backed up against the sea and saw that the Egyptian army was closing in on them from the rear…
 
Going along with this rule, I want you to know that there’s a real secret to being content wherever you are at the moment; did you know that? That secret is revealed in this verse from an unknown author … that I’ve come to appreciate over the years… I Met God in the Morning…
 
I met God in the morning, when my day was at its best and His presence came like sunrise, like a glory in my breast. All day long the Presence lingered; all day long He stayed with me; and we sailed in perfect calmness o'er a very troubled sea. Other ships were blown and battered, other ships were sore distressed, but the winds that seemed to drive them brought to us a peace and rest. Then I thought of other mornings, with a keen remorse of mind, when I too had loosed the moorings with the Presence left behind. So, I think I know the secret, learned from many a troubled way; You must seek Him in the morning if you want Him through the day.
 
Folks, the truth is: it doesn’t matter where you are … or what you’re going through. The way to be content in any circumstance (as Paul would put it) is to know that God is there with you. GOD MEANS FOR YOU TO BE WHERE YOU ARE right now; that is no mistake!
 
We have some real human tendencies that pop up at times like this, though; let me share a few with you, briefly… 
  • Sometimes, we have a tendency to WORRY, don’t we? But, is that what God wants during our difficult times?
Worry was once described as ‘a small trickle of fear that meanders through the mind, cutting a channel into which all other thoughts go.’ In other words, worry can absolutely consume our thought life! And, many of us have been there, haven’t we?
  • The preacher, John R. Rice, once said, “Worry is putting question marks where God has put periods.”
  • Bishop Fulton J. Sheen called worry “…a form of atheism, for it betrays a lack of faith and trust in God.”
For some us, worry comes as natural as breathing … but why? Why is it so easy to worry? Well, in the Bible, we are likened to sheep, aren’t we? Have you ever seen how easily sheep are spooked? They’re fenced in and well-fed, so they really have very little to worry about ; yet, in a moment’s notice, they can bolt out of fear due to nothing more than a rabbit jumping through the grass… ‘Not really a quality that God admires in his sheep though, is it? No matter what the circumstance, you need to remember that GOD MEANS FOR YOU TO BE WHERE YOU ARE! 
  • We also have a tendency to ask ‘why me?’ When we get to that point, we need to remember that God knows what He’s doing and allows particular circumstances in our lives for His kingdom’s sake. 1 Peter 4:12 (NRSV) reminds us,
“Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that is taking place among you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you.”
If you find yourself in a difficult spot, remember: you are there by God’s appointment, in God’s keeping, under God’s training, and for God’s time; as followers of Christ, it’s not about us… 
  • We also have a tendency to make situations worse by not following God’s lead for our lives; in other words, God may reveal to us OUR PART of the current situation…
Don’t ever forget, though we may not go with God’s PLAN A, God uses PLAN B’s to help us grow, too! The truth is, sometimes God needs to reveal to us how we got where we’re at; and then, we need to take responsibility for our part of that! And, yes, we need to always remember RULE #1: GOD MEANS FOR US TO BE WHERE WE ARE; even if we’ve forced God to a PLAN B for our lives, God can show us clearly what we’ve done … and move us to a better day, with Him! Folks, realizing what our part is … should lead to confession, which then leads to forgiveness (even self-forgiveness) … and then to better days! Above all else, remember: GOD MEANS FOR YOU TO BE WHERE YOU ARE! NEXT:
 
RULE #2: BE CONCERNED WITH GOD’S GLORY, NOT JUST YOUR RELIEF!           Life will show us the wisdom of the right question…
 
I had a seminary professor who once told the class that having the right answer was not always preferable; instead, he suggested that life was really about asking the right question…
 
The truth is, sometimes we can’t find the right answers in life because … we’re asking the wrong questions!  Especially when we’re in the midst of an impossible situation, our natural instinct is to ask things like: 
  • “How did I get into this mess, and how can I get out?”
  • “How quickly can I solve this problem (especially if you’re a man)?”
  • “Why did this have to happen to me?”
And, we tend to be obsessed with these questions when in the midst of something…
 
Let me suggest, however, that there may be a better way: The next time you’re overwhelmed, instead of asking these questions, why not ask: “How can God be glorified in this situation?”
 
Folks, one’s perspective is entirely transformed by the spiritual realities behind our approach!  It’s like switching on the floodlights in a dark stadium! Asking the right question can dramatically change your attitude! (And, if you’ve ever been in the midst of a tough situation, then you already know that sometimes our attitudes need to be adjusted in the midst of life trauma.) This leads me to the next thoughts… 
  • Life’s right questions will lead us to a new perspective, then…
  • Life’s right questions & a new perspective … will lead us to a God who’s always faithful!
So, begin by asking the right questions! And let the right question lead you to … BE CONCERNED WITH GOD’S GLORY, NOT JUST YOUR RELIEF!     Again, as Christians, we need to know that LIFE IS NOT ABOUT US! It’s about something much bigger… Finally, Psalm 34:19 (KJV) reminds us: 
“Many are the afflictions (troubles) of the righteous: but the LORD [delivers them] out of them all.”
Folks, instead of asking, “How did I get here?” or “How can I get out of this mess?” perhaps we should ask, “How can God be glorified in the situation I am now facing?” knowing that we are right where God wants us (or has allowed us) to be...
 
Believing that God will always be there to deliver us from whatever trouble we’re going through means: 
  • TRUSTING GOD for our situational geography (where we’re currently at in life)—knowing that no one cares about us like God does!
  • PUTTING GOD FIRST in our lives—ahead of our current circumstances that may just last but a moment (always learning that ‘it’s not about us!’)…
There’s Rules #1 & #2… Next, week (8 AM ONLY!) … we’ll be on to #3 & #4! Don’t miss it…

 




WALLS

Posted by Rom A. Pegram Posted on 06-27-2010

Today, I want to speak to a reality of our world … and what I believe God wants us, as followers of Christ, to do about it. What is the reality that I want to speak to? Walls. Walls that divide us … on the face of this earth—walls never intended by God to be erected in the first place…

 
As one who’s been to the Holy Land a few times now, I’m reminded of this reality every time that I go to Israel and see the big wall right there in Jerusalem, dividing Israel from the Palestinian West Bank territories—two peoples, created by the same God, yet not being able to live together without … a wall. We’re not going to get into the politics of that wall today, but suffice it to say that walls in our society are really a reflection of our sinfulness. Why can’t we love one another like Christ loved us?
 
The truth is, we have just as many walls right here where we live—in our communities … and most of us are just as guilty as those half-way around the world of not only putting up walls, but also of making sure that we keep those walls in place! We are so territorial, aren’t we? That’s another way of saying ‘selfish’; we’re imperfect, as human beings—so sinful—that this is the reality of the world as we know it today. It is a world of walls … but, is that God’s intention for this world that he created? 
 
Listen now, as we go back to Paul’s letter to the church at Ephesus (2:11-22, TEV), as he gets into another reality—a heavenly reality, which is a reality without walls, where all are melded together as one … with Christ as the glue that holds us together—Christ’s Spirit of Love at the center… 
11 You Gentiles by birth—called "the uncircumcised" by the Jews, who call themselves the circumcised (which refers to what men do to their bodies)—remember what you were in the past.12 At that time you were apart from Christ. You were foreigners and did not belong to God's chosen people. You had no part in the covenants, which were based on God's promises to his people, and you lived in this world without hope and without God. 13 But now, in union with Christ Jesus you, who used to be far away, have been brought near by the blood of Christ. 14 For Christ himself has brought us peace by making Jews and Gentiles one people. With his own body he broke down the wall that separated them and kept them enemies. 15 He abolished the Jewish Law with its commandments and rules, in order to create out of the two races one new people in union with himself, in this way making peace. 16 By his death on the cross Christ destroyed their enmity; by means of the cross he united both races into one body and brought them back to God. 17 So Christ came and preached the Good News of peace to all—to you Gentiles, who were far away from God, and to the Jews, who were near to him. 18 It is through Christ that all of us, Jews and Gentiles, are able to come in the one Spirit into the presence of the Father. 19 So then, you Gentiles are not foreigners or strangers any longer; you are now citizens together with God's people and members of the family of God. 20 You, too, are built upon the foundation laid by the apostles and prophets, the cornerstone being Christ Jesus himself. 21 He is the one who holds the whole building together and makes it grow into a sacred temple dedicated to the Lord. 22 In union with him you too are being built together with all the others into a place where God lives through his Spirit.
Folks, today we’re going to talk about Stephen Ministry. And, the first thing that I want to say is that Stephen Ministers are those who help pull the walls of this world down! Just listen to some of the ways…
 
STEPHEN MINISTERS HELP PEOPLE WHO’VE FELT THREATENED BY HARSH, EXCLUSIVE ORGANIZATIONS.  Every time I go to the Temple Mount in Jerusalem (which is what the Jews call it), I try and imagine the original Temple there in the center of that huge flat area where thousands have worshipped over the years; where the Dome of the Rock stands today, the original Temple of Solomon was constructed that would have been 4 times taller than the Dome that is now there—a huge structure … where God dwelled…
 
But, that Temple was a wall! And, it was one of those walls that Jesus came to break down. The Temple Mount was a series of concentric courts, each one a little higher, representing a higher holiness, as you progressed inward. The large, outermost court was where Gentiles (non-Jews) could pray. The next court inward was for Jewish women and children; closer still was the court for Jewish males over twelve years old. Then on the inside of this thirty-five acre tract, only Jewish priests—those born into particular families—could enter, because it was the actual shrine of their faith. Finally, the innermost part of this court—the holy of holies—was reserved for the high priest exclusively, and for him to enter only once per year. The Temple had been the focus of the Jewish faith for 1,000 years, yet by its very nature it was segregated, by race, sex, age, and family… It was a wall, wasn’t it? It was a wall to allow certain privileged people in … and to keep others out…
 
Of course, Jesus came not to do away with the Law, but to complete it—to make it make sense… In John 4:19-24 (TEV), Jesus is having a conversation with one of those dread Samaritans (who Jews were not supposed to even speak to). The conversation went like this: 
19 "I see you are a prophet, sir," the woman said. 20 "My Samaritan ancestors worshiped God on this mountain, but you Jews say that Jerusalem is the place where we should worship God." 21 Jesus said to her, "Believe me, woman, the time will come when people will not worship the Father either on this mountain or in Jerusalem. 22 You Samaritans do not really know whom you worship; but we Jews know whom we worship, because it is from the Jews that salvation comes. 23 But the time is coming and is already here, when by the power of God's Spirit people will worship the Father as he really is, offering him the true worship that he wants. 24 God is Spirit, and only by the power of his Spirit can people worship him as he really is."
Jesus came to say that His Spirit was available to all … and if you opened your life up to His Spirit living in you, that was all it took for you to be … IN! Jesus was one who broke down walls; that’s what our Stephen Ministers will be doing too … in the name of Christ!
 
STEPHEN MINISTERS AID PEOPLE WHO HAVE FACED DISCRIMINATION IN LIFE. Just as the Samaritans (and other Gentiles) were discriminated against by the Jews, so too have the Jews been discriminated against by the rest of the world! Does anyone remember studying the holocaust in world history? If you’ve never been to a holocaust museum before, you need to go! Put it on your ‘bucket list’ as a place that you just have to experience! Once through that museum, you will know then just how low humanity can stoop…
 
Jesus, with a boatload of forgiveness (as the Jews were the ones who crucified him), came to break down the walls of discrimination, too! So, too, will our Stephen Ministers be about breaking down those walls … with the love of Christ!
 
STEPHEN MINISTERS BEFRIEND PEOPLE WHO FEEL ALIENATED OR LONELY, HELPING THEM RECONCILE WITH OTHERS. Jewish folks separated themselves from those who were non-Jewish. They did this very sincerely and for religious reasons. However, any time you build walls like this, you assume, if not create … hostility! Those who define themselves as an ‘in group’ of necessity … have to also define an ‘out group’—those on the outside of the wall that they’ve intentionally built…
 
That great poet, Robert Frost, once wrote a poem called ‘Mending Wall.’ In this poem, the speaker repairs his wall and ponders…
 
“Something there is that doesn’t love a wall.”
 
Perhaps. But, people still build them, don’t they? And, not just picket fences, but giant walls (and China gets the prize for the largest)! Frost’s poem goes on to say this:
 
“Before I built a wall I’d ask to know
What I was walling in or walling out,
And to whom I was like to give offense.”
 
That’s the attitude of our Stephen Ministers! They will not just accept walls that have been put up by our society today; they will intentionally minister to those who have been alienated or forced into loneliness; they will work to break down those walls … in the name of Jesus!
 
STEPHEN MINISTERS WELCOME PEOPLE FOR CHRIST, HELPING THEM EXPERIENCE THAT THEY ARE NO LONGER OUT, BUT IN GOD’S RESTORED HUMAN FAMILY. A couple of problems happen when we start building walls to protect ourselves: You certainly do keep others out … but you also build a cage that locks you in!
 
That’s why Paul’s message to the Ephesians is so exciting! God’s message, folks, is one of FREEDOM! It’s even better than William Wallace’s cry at the end of Braveheart! Why? Because God’s freedom that he offers is for ALL! Paul’s proclamation is that the wall is down: God lets some people in to freedom … and some people out to freedom—but still freedom, because the wall is down!
 
Again, this is what Stephen Ministry is all about! Helping people to know that in Christ, they are no longer out … but they are now in—a vital part of God’s restored human family…
 
PAUL’S MESSAGE IS ALL ABOUT CHANGE; STEPHEN MINISTERS HELP PEOPLE THROUGH NECESSARY LIFE CHANGES. The temptation is always around to think in terms of ‘us’ and ‘them.’ As the old Scotsman quipped, ‘There’s the Scots … and those who wished they were.’
 
In Christ, however, Paul is very clear that there is no such thing as ‘us’ and ‘them.’ When people find themselves in a position of transition or change that probably they never even thought they’d be in—like unemployed, unmarried, and the list could go on and on, our Stephen Ministers will be there and available to walk through these times with those going through inevitable life changes…
 
STEPHEN MINISTERS ENCOURAGE PEOPLE WHO HAVE ISSUES WITH FAITH REALIZE THEIR GREAT VALUE TO GOD. Paul’s word for ‘temple’ is the one most used for the central portion of a temple, its innermost shrine, that part of the Jerusalem Temple called ‘the holy of holies.’
 
As Christians, we are bound together in Christ and live for Christ; in that sense, today we are the most holy of all holy places in the world! Each one of us who has opened our lives up to Christ living in us (Holy Spirit) … is a temple! Paul tells us in 1Corinthians 6:19-20 (TEV): “Don't you know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and who was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourselves but to God; 20 he bought you for a price. So use your bodies for God's glory.” Stephen Ministers are those who help to remind people just how important and vital their lives are to God…
 
Going back to Robert Frost’s poem for just a moment … What is that ‘something’ that doesn’t love a wall? It’s the Spirit of our Lord Jesus Christ—the Spirit of Love … bringing us back together to God and to one another and granting this world true peace, like we’ve never known it before. May the Spirit of Christ prevail through the work of our Stephen Ministers, in all of our lives, and in this entire world!

 




A Father’s Role

Posted by Rom A. Pegram Posted on 06-20-2010

 

Father’s are special, aren’t they? There’s no one else like ‘em… Here’s what 3 kids had to say, bragging on their dads:
 
First:              My dad's so smart he can talk for one hour on any subject.
 
Second:        My dad's so smart he can talk for two hours on any subject.
 
Third:            My dad's so smart he can talk for 3 hours and doesn't even need a subject!
 
‘My dad’s better than your dad…’ is the game we so often love to play! Why? Because fathers are special; that’s why…
 
The Apostle Paul must have thought that dads were pretty special, too … as he took most of today’s section of scripture to speak to the fathers—a little bit to the kids, a little bit to the moms, but mostly to the dads … at the church that he’d planted in Ephesus. Listen now to our scripture lesson for today:
 
 
 21 Submit yourselves to one another because of your reverence for Christ. ...25 Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave his life for it. 26 He did this to dedicate the church to God by his word, after making it clean by washing it in water, 27 in order to present the church to himself in all its beauty—pure and faultless, without spot or wrinkle or any other imperfection. 28 Men ought to love their wives just as they love their own bodies. A man who loves his wife loves himself. 29 (None of us ever hate our own bodies. Instead, we feed them, and take care of them, just as Christ does the church; 30 for we are members of his body.) 31 As the scripture says, "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and unite with his wife, and the two will become one." 32 There is a deep secret truth revealed in this scripture, which I understand as applying to Christ and the church. 33 But it also applies to you: every husband must love his wife as himself, and every wife must respect her husband. – Ephesians 5:21, 25-33 (TEV)

I have said before, there is no greater gift that a father can give his children … than to love his wife as God has called him to! And Paul is trying to teach the men of this congregation how to do just that… Now, remember, the submission we’re talking about is a ‘mutual submission’—submitting to exactly what God has asked us to do! And, similar to what I said on Mother’s Day, the submission that’s a father’s responsible for is ‘a submission of love!’ Fathers, too, are to submit to love those in the household the way God wants them to—the way God designed them to… Let’s begin with the meaning of this love: What is it? Let’s take time to define it…

 

THE MEANING OF LOVE that needs to be present in our homes is first explained in verse 21 of today’s text. Paul explains what the meaning of this love in the household is supposed to be all about when he states: “Submit yourselves to one another because of your reverence for Christ.”
 
Now, this love—as I see it in this scripture—is about these things: First, it’s about being Spirit-filled: Ephesians 5:18 (which comes just prior to our text today) explains in this way: “Do not get drunk with wine, which will only ruin you; instead, be filled with the Spirit.” Just as wine can control us, when ‘under the influence,’ so too are we to be ‘under the influence’ of the Holy Spirit, allowing our lives to be controlled by God—being models of the love of Christ in our homes; we can’t do it without the help of God’s Spirit…
 
Submission is also what this love is about: Verse 25 says, “Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave his life for it.” Let me just say this at this point: This love is incompatible with the common misinterpretation of this scripture which calls for a domineering, commanding model of the husband/father. I’ll say more about submission in just a moment…
 
This love is also about understanding head-ship. And, 1 Corinthians 13 is a great model for what the ‘head’ of the family ought to be like. (I challenge all fathers to put your name in place of ‘love’ in this text and see how you’re doing in this area!) Needless to say, the husband who thinks that God ordered the family so that his wife could be at his beck and call has it backward! Rather, he’s to love & serve his wife; he’s to protect her (& family) & provide for their needs; his duty—in short—is to love … so, what does that look like? Let’s describe this love in action as we talk about…
 
THE MANNER OF LOVE. Verse 23 (MSG) says it this way: “The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing.” So, how is that? In what way does Christ provide leadership to the Church (his bride), if that’s our model? Let me share a few ways that happens…
 
It is a sacrificial love … and it first involves… consideration. - 1 Peter 3:7 tells us, “In the same way you husbands must live with your wives with the proper understanding that they are more delicate than you. Treat them with respect, because they also will receive, together with you, God's gift of life. Do this so that nothing will interfere with your prayers.” It’s a love that is considerate, knowing that how we treat our wives will even affect our prayer life; consider that…
 
This sacrificial love is also about chivalry. If our wives are more delicate than we are (created that way), we need to be their protectors! Understand: If they are weaker, it is in the physical realm, because that’s the way God created us… A loving husband would never say: “After you’ve changed the flat tire, I’ll take you to the store” or something to that affect. We are created to serve our wives (&families) with our strength; that’s how Jesus served (and serves) the Church, his bride…
This sacrificial love is also reflected in the communion we share in Christ. Spiritually, we are equals—both enjoying the grace of God as a gift. So, treat your wife as a spiritual equal, as they too are joint heirs in God’s grace!
 
As we continue to describe God’s love in action, let me also say that it is a purifying love. Verses 25-27 reminds us: “Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave his life for it. 26 He did this to dedicate the church to God by his word, after making it clean by washing it in water, 27 in order to present the church to himself in all its beauty—pure and faultless, without spot or wrinkle or any other imperfection.”
 
This scripture suggests that Christ’s love for the Church is something that drives him to make her pure and keep her pure; he wants to ‘clothe the Church in glory!’ Gentleman, we shouldn’t ever be caught leading our wives into sin of any kind—assisting them in getting off of God’s path for their life; instead, we should be working to expose her life to the Word of God, serving a priestly role in our homes … to help keep her and our families pure…
 
Also, it is a caring love—this love of God that God wants present in our homes. Verses 28-30 help to explain: “Men ought to love their wives just as they love their own bodies. A man who loves his wife loves himself. 29 (None of us ever hate our own bodies. Instead, we feed them, and take care of them, just as Christ does the church; 30 for we are members of his body.)”
 
Have you ever seen a man look into the mirror in the morning? And, look … and look … and look? And flex and… Well, you get the picture. A husband should love his wife like that!
 
Finally, it is an enduring love. Verse 31 is key here: “As the scripture says, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and unite with his wife, and the two will become one.’” When a man & woman get married, scripture says ‘they become one’—primarily speaking of a physical union that takes place…
 
Let me give you a real life example of what this is talking about. The reality is, what affects one in the household affects all. On my refrigerator is a magnet that my children bought for their mom a long time ago. And, there’s some scriptural truth to the saying on it. It says: “If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!” To be a fulfilled husband, you need a fulfilled wife; to be a fulfilled father, you need fulfilled children! An enduring love is one who understands that we are all interconnected in this way…
 
Also, the King James Version of the Bible uses two words here: Leave & Cleave. Leaving … means there’s a vital severing of the parent-child relationship that must occur when a couple gets married—not a dishonoring or unloving thing, but a different primary relationship is now formed. Cleaving … literally means ‘to be glued to’ another. Isn’t that the kind of bond that all marriages should experience? However, when young couples try to ‘cleave’ but have forgotten to ‘leave,’ it always creates havoc in a marriage; both have to take place in order for there to be an enduring love!
Folks, as I recap today’s message, let me just say again …
  • The meaning of love is summed up in one word—submission.
  • The manner of love is summed up in one word—sacrifice.
But, there’s one more question to be asked: What is THE MOTIVE OF LOVE? What is the motive behind a Christian husband's love for his wife? What’s behind a husband loving this way? It is something that is bigger than you and I; it is something that is bigger than our married life together here; it is something that is not just temporal, but it is eternal. Listen…
 
Ephesians 5:32-33 informs us: “There is a deep secret truth revealed in this scripture, which I understand as applying to Christ and the church. 33 But it also applies to you: every husband must love his wife as himself, and every wife must respect her husband.”
 
Why would husbands love their wives the way God has asked them to? The motive is this: love’s sacredness (in other words … it is of God)! Marriage is a picture of Christ and the Church (his bride). It is ‘a sacred mystery,’ a ‘deep secret truth.’ The sacredness of Christ’s Church is linked here to the sacredness of marriage. Christ is the heavenly Bridegroom and the Church is his bride! Marriage is supposed to reflect this union—a mirror image. Yet, how do we end up treating it sometimes? Like a sacred gift from God? (Am I the only one who’s ever taken their marriage for granted?)
 
The truth is that the Christian husband shows what he thinks of Christ by the way he treats his wife! I wish I could go back and re-do certain parts of my marriage over the years! But, we can’t do that, can we? What we can do, however, is to listen to what we’re hearing today … and put it into play! Our love for our wives should honor Christ!
 
The husband that understands this … is a husband who will just love to … love, purify, protect, and care for his wife; then, that relationship will be the solid foundation from which he can raise and encourage his kids in Christ…

 




Spank Your Kids… And Take Them to Church!

Posted by Rom A. Pegram Posted on 06-13-2010

I shared today’s sermon title with you a couple of weeks ago, but if you weren’t here, let me explain the title of today’s message: Zig Ziglar, a motivation speaker and salesman extraordinaire, was once asked how as a Christian parent he could advise others in raising their kids. His response? He said, “It’s no real secret to raising your kids God’s way; simply spank them … and take them to church!” That was his formula for successful parenting…

 
Now, that may seem a bit harsh, but I’m here to tell you today that it really isn’t too far from what the Apostle Paul says in our scripture lesson for today—a continuation of last week’s lesson and his words of advice to the church at Ephesus. An alternate title for today’s sermon might be:
 
“RAISE THEM TO LOVE GOD & DISCIPLINE THEM WHEN NEEDED!”
 
Last week, we learned that the children’s #1 duty in the home is to obey; this week, we’re going to learn about the parenting side of that conversation. Listen to what Paul tells the church there…
 
Parents, do not treat your children in such a way as to make them angry. Instead, raise them with Christian discipline and instruction. – Ephesians 6:4 (TEV)
 
So, 3 things that we need to pay attention to, in order to be good stewards of our kids—God’s way! What was the first thing?
 
DON’T MAKE YOUR KIDS MAD! Ephesians 6:4a - “Parents, do not treat your children in such a way as to make them angry.” Here, Paul is warning parents what not to do, in the stewardship of raising their (God’s) kids … if they’ve been baptized! Don’t stir them to anger, either deliberately or through careless but unnecessary provocations…
 
Unfortunately, some of us have had to learn that the hard way… It took me years to learn that teasing my daughter in such a way that actually provoked her to anger was not a Christian thing to do! And, sometimes when I thought I was teasing her in fun, it wasn’t for her… When she got to be around 15-16 years old (when some girls start dating), I used to kid her about the interrogation that would take place before any young man could take her out on a date… Apparently, she didn’t think that was funny! I always wondered why she waited until she was pretty much out of high school (and away from dad) to begin dating seriously … and now I guess I know the answer!
 
She never said much, and maybe it all has turned out O.K., but the consistent ‘jabbing’ that I did was not right either. Dads, I hope you have ears to hear this morning… So, what are some ways that we can provoke our kids to anger—ways that we need to steer clear of?
 
You can anger your children in these ways (amongst others):
 
1.    Overprotection - You can anger your kids by fencing them in too much, smothering them, never trusting them, always assuming they are not telling you the truth! There is certainly a need for protection of our kids, but overprotection is a different story; we need to find the       balance. Parents, we need to grow in things like trust…
2.    Overindulgence - The flip-side of overprotection is … OVERINDULGENCE! Excessively permissive parents can also kindle their kid’s wrath; studies prove that kids given too much freedom begin to feel insecure and unloved. Kids need (and want) boundaries (Eddis Olson)…
3.    Favoritism - A third sure-fire way of provoking anger in our kids is to show favoritism; I can guarantee you this…
 
My father, in his career as a pastor, had one nationally distributed article written about him and his ministry in Neenah, Wisconsin, published by Guideposts Magazine. He was, of course, interviewed for the article. I can’t believe that my mother didn’t catch this, but I don’t think she was around when he was interviewed. In the interview for this article of his lifetime—nationally distributed … my father failed to mention that he had 2 daughters. Because his 3 sons were either in ministry or connected to the United Methodist Church, it was the 3 of us that he mentioned … and didn’t mention his daughters…
 
Do you see where I’m headed with this? Feelings were hurt; I’m just very thankful that both of my sisters are Christians … and believe in forgiveness. My father loves his 2 daughters … but, in a weak moment, he failed to value them as he did his sons… Not a wise thing to do! Stay away from favoritism of any kind…
 
4.    Unrealistic Goals is yet another way to anger our kids. If you are a parent who constantly pushes achievement, stop it! Encourage them … but don’t push them; there is a difference! If you push your kids to unrealistic or unrealizable goals, they will grow up robbed of any sense of fulfillment! Grown adults are still affected by this way of provoking anger … and they’re still angry, too!
5.    Discouragement - In a similar vein, you can provoke a child to anger by discouraging      them… Colossians 3:21 (MSG)—where Paul is talking to yet another church—says, “Parents, don't come down too hard on your children or you'll crush their spirits.”
 
There a simple rule that I finally learned as a parent that works pretty good, so here it is: For every time I had to point out something that was wrong to one of my kids, I’d try and find something positive to talk with them about soon after—something I could praise them for… That’s a part of the balance we need to find in parenting…
 
6.    Neglect - Fail to show your kids affection; show them indifference; fail to take an interest in what interests them … and you’ll soon see the wrath of your child—acting out in ways that you cannot even imagine. Make sure that you’re a parent that regularly steps into their world—not just spending time with them when they step into yours…
7.    Condescension - Don’t refuse to allow your kids to grow up! If you constantly put them down for immature things; if you constantly talk down to them, because they’re young; if you stifle them every time they try something that’s more ‘grown up,’ you will never encourage them to grow … and that will make them mad!
 
About 10 years ago, I had to finally have a stern conversation with my father … and let him know that “I was 42 years old, a grown man, and could make my own decisions; thank you very much!” (The truth is, he’s too much like his mother … wanting to control everyone in the family…) However, after that conversation we had, we’ve been more than father/son; we’ve been good friends ever since…
 
At almost 52 years old, he still won’t let me drive his new van … but, that’s another story! Don’t provoke your kids by talking down to them…
 
8.    Withdrawing Love - Don’t employ affection as a tool of reward and/or punishment (and I would say the same thing goes for marriages, too!). Ours is supposed to be a model of God’s love, as Christian parents—an unconditional love that is ALWAYS present … even when we mess up. Love is not to be used and abused in that way…
9.    Excessive Discipline - Too much chastisement is another way to guarantee that your kid’s anger will be aggravated. Here again, it’s all about ‘balance’…
 
So, those are ways of relating to our kids to be aware of and stay away from, ways that will surely provoke our kid’s anger … and God’s word says: DON’T DO THAT! Finally,
 
TEACH YOUR KIDS WHAT IT MEANS TO LOVE GOD! In other words, give them the right training (Eph. 6:4c): “Raise them with Christian … instruction.”
           
The real key to the challenging work of parenting correctly is to create an environment of nurture and loving instruction in which our kid’s hearts become fertile grounds for God’s truth… IT IS THE CHILD’S HEART THAT PARENTS ARE TO NURTURE!
 
Sometimes, we forget that we—all of us who ‘parent’—are stewards of the precious gift of children that God has given to us. When we have our kids baptized, these are what the promises are all about… We are promising, as Christian parents, to raise our kids in the faith … and to teach them to love God! And, that’s a heart thing; again, it’s the child’s heart that those who ‘parent’ are to nurture… And, finally…
 
DISCIPLINE YOUR KIDS WHEN NEEDED (FOR GOD’S SAKE)! Ephesians 6:4b – “Instead, raise them with Christian discipline….” What is Paul saying here? Admonish them when necessary…
 
I would argue today that, in spite of the direction our culture has taken on the subject of discipline, the Bible actually prescribes use of ‘the rod’ in disciplining our children. However, that being said, it is our fallen world’s use of this discipline that has led to bad things. Again, as I’d said once before, spanking should never injure a child! It is never to be an abusive activity! It is always to be administered with love … and never when a parent is in a fit of rage…
 
The truth is, there are other forms of discipline that can and should be applied as well … and a balance of all forms available to us are what’s usually best—a balance also between admonition and encouragement!
 
So, are we being good stewards of those God has entrusted to us? Going back to Deuteronomy 6, are we providing an environment whereby our kids know that they are loved, nurtured, and instructed—constantly exposed to God’s truth… Once more, it’s their hearts that we’re supposed to be nurturing … for God’s sake!



How to Live Long and Prosper … God’s Way!

Posted by Rom A. Pegram Posted on 06-06-2010

The world we now live in … is no longer the world as it used to be; it’s much more complicated today:

  • What was once right is now wrong; what was once wrong is now right…
  • What was once black is now white; what was once white is now black…
  • Honoring your parents (as God’s word demands) was once a given in a good majority of homes; now that command of God seems to be optional…

Welcome to our world! Parenting’s not the same activity it once was either. As a matter of fact, I don’t believe there’s ever been a more challenging time to raise kids than today! Parenting’s … a hard job! Yes, a job entrusted by God; but, it’s still a hard job … even with God’s help! Let me share today’s scripture—the Apostle Paul on parenting…

Children, do what your parents tell you. This is only right. 2 "Honor your father and mother" is the first commandment that has a promise attached to it, namely, 3 "so you will live well and have a long life." – Ephesians 6:1-3 (MSG)

Much of the Old Testament gives insights into the ‘laws of the land’ in the old days, some of them questionable after Christ came. But, this one—laid down in the Ten Commandments (Exodus 20)—is one the Apostle Paul reminds us is still relevant to the Church today: Honor your father and mother … with a promise!

There are 3 major reasons why parenting in today’s world is such a difficult thing to do:

  1. The corruption all around our kids tends to defile them…
  2. The curse inside them tends to steer them the wrong way…
  3. Their own childishness makes them susceptible to many dangers…

We’ve spoken of original sin (#2) previously, along with our kid’s greatest need (regeneration), so today I’m going to concentrate on #1 and #3—two serious reasons why parenting is so difficult in the world today … So, one of the main reasons parenting today is so difficult—that task that God entrusted us with—is because we are about…

TEACHING GOD’S WAYS OF OBEDIENCE IN A REBELLIOUS AGE. In getting to know God’s word, you come to realize that God let us know that this day was coming; in 2 Timothy 3:1-5, the Apostle Paul shares with the young pastor:

“Remember that there will be difficult times in the last days. 2 People will be selfish, greedy, boastful, and conceited; they will be insulting, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, and irreligious; 3 they will be unkind, merciless, slanderers, violent, and fierce; they will hate the good; 4they will be treacherous, reckless, and swollen with pride; they will love pleasure rather than God; 5 they will hold to the outward form of our religion, but reject its real power. Keep away from such people.” - 2 Timothy 3:1-5 (TEV)

Well, there it is … and we were told a long time ago that this ol’ world would head in this direction some day. Let me see if I can give you a couple of examples of what I’m talking about when I say that one of the difficulties of parenting today is that we are raising our kids in a rebellious age…

Secular society seems bent on teaching children to rebel against authority… (Even those in the larger Church today who seem to be veering from God’s ways seem to have incredible problems with authority, so this bent toward rebellion is really embedded now into our whole society…) Consider this:

  • Kids watch an average of 30 hours of T.V. per week; before they graduate from high school, the typical American teen will have watched 20,000 hours of T.V.
  • The great majority of programs they watch will portray authority figures as evil and rebellion as a virtue…
  • They’ll see all kinds of sin glamorized … lifestyle ‘choices,’ murder, immorality, and drug use will be an essential part of the daily viewing fare—to the point that even the grossest misdeeds no longer even seem shocking!

So, hardened to the sinfulness of sin, over time, and inclined to distrust authority while romanticizing rebellion, our kids are poised to enter into adulthood with very different moral values and radically different worldviews … than anyone in their grandparents’ generation, for sure. Is it any wonder that…

  • Ten million kids now have some kind of STD?
  • 1 in 5 teenagers uses drugs regularly?
  • Nearly 1 million young women, now on the streets, began working there before age sixteen?
  • Between 7 and 14 million children under the legal drinking age are already alcoholics?

And, the list could go on and on. All these trends are the fruit of a society that sanctions and glorifies rebellion! Could this be why it’s so difficult to parent today? Along with these realities, and knowing that ‘original sin’ affects all of us, we’re also up against…

COMPENSATING FOR OUR KID’S IMMATURITY. What am I saying? A part of our difficulty in parenting today is that … they’re kids! This isn’t new—this has been around all along … but, here’s what’s different today…

We live in a rebellious world, where authority is ‘poo-poo’d.’ Many say today that ‘the biggest problem with kids … is that their parents are trampling their rights.’ This, folks, is how things go in the midst of a rebellious age—an echo of ‘humanism’ here … which is not a biblical perspective! When scripture talks about the role of children in the family, the stress is on responsibilities, not rights … and every kid’s main responsibility is to obey their parents!

Again, our kid’s basic problem is that … they’re kids! Apart from their natural bent toward sin, they have human weaknesses that are simply a part of … being a kid!

Did you know that even Jesus was a kid once? Scripture’s clear that Jesus grew & learned—his growth/learning as a child not unlike that of other kids...

“Jesus grew both in body and in wisdom, gaining favor with God and people.” Jesus grew intellectually, physically, socially, & spiritually. - Luke 2:52 (TEV)

All children need to grow in these same 4 ways. They’re lacking in wisdom, physical stature, their relationship with others, & their relationship with God, so: Let’s teach our kids, helping them to grow, in these four areas, too!

Help them to grow in wisdom… Have you ever noticed that kids have no discretion; they don’t naturally know what’s good for them … and what’s not! Babies don’t know what’s good for them; they’ll put dirt, insects, or anything into their mouths, won’t they? It is important that they obey their parents … so they know what’s good for them—our opportunity to teach them God’s ways…

Help them to grow in stature… Children are born weak—unable to fend for themselves! Newborns are utterly unable to walk, crawl, or even roll over by themselves. Parents assume the responsibility of feeding them, changing them, making sure they get proper rest (naps), and protecting them from harm; if someone doesn’t do all of that for them, they will die! Slowly, they’ll learn to care for themselves; until then, the parents’ authority over them is part of the umbrella of protection God has given them…

Help them to grow socially… Children have a need to learn some basic social graces.
Children aren’t born socially acclimated; in fact, they’re pretty much born self-centered.
Their only concerns have to do with their needs…

  • They cry when they’re hungry…
  • They cry when they’re tired…
  • They cry when they need changed…

I have never heard a baby cry yet … because their neighbor wasn’t getting along too well! As they grow, they need to be weaned from that self- centered worldview, but that doesn’t happen naturally; they need parents to teach them about others’ needs! Obedience to their parents is the first step toward letting go of that immature, childish self-centeredness…

Help them to grow in relationship to God… Again, kids don’t come to love God naturally; they have to be taught (though it’s more ‘caught’ than ‘taught’) how important our relationship with God is… Pastor John MacArthur puts it this way: “Parental authority is … like a hothouse environment in which a child can grow more safely. If parents do not provide that protection through their authority over the child, all growth—intellectual, social, physical, and spiritual—will be stunted.”

God’s tells us all to honor our fathers & mothers! But, that’s not something that comes naturally; our kids have to be taught! And, for all who parent (no matter who you are), this is the #1 job we have—to teach our kids what God expects, in spite of the world we’re raising them in!

Teaching our kids to be obedient—our #1 job as parents. And, folks, if we can teach them that obedience is at the core of what God wants them to know, their eternal relationship with God will be a good one, too … and they’ll learn to (for you Trekkies) ‘live long and prosper,’ just as God promises. Isn’t that what we really want for our kids?
 




Raising Up Wise Guys (And Gals)!

Posted by Rom A. Pegram Posted on 05-30-2010

A Chinese boy who wanted to learn about jade went to study with a talented old teacher. This gentle man put a piece of the precious stone into his hand and told him to hold it tight. Then he began to talk of philosophy, men, women, the sun and almost everything under it. After an hour he took back the stone and sent the boy home. The procedure was repeated for several weeks. The boy became frustrated. When would he be told about the jade? He was too polite, however, to question the wisdom of his venerable teacher. Then one day, when the old man put a stone into his hands, the boy cried out instinctively, 'That's not jade!'' (Haddon Robinson, Biblical Preaching)

 
Exactly… And, folks, beyond our teaching the gospel (Good News) of Jesus Christ to our kids, we also need to teach them other things the Bible asks us to. We need to teach them to the point that they know the difference between what’s of God … and what’s not! Again, Deuteronomy 6 is where to begin teaching Godly wisdom to our kids, wisdom for life…
 
AND, because God also calls us to teach his wisdom to our kids, Proverbs is the perfect place to look to for that… Here is a collection of wisdom sayings, primarily from the wisest man to ever live—King Solomon. It’s a book full of practical wisdom that all who parent need to pass on to their children. Let’s begin with this…
 
“These are Solomon's proverbs: Wise children make their fathers proud of them; foolish ones bring their mothers grief.” – Proverbs 10:1 (TEV) 
So Solomon teaches … but I need to say this, today, about Solomon (King David’s wise son): Personally, he is an object lesson about the dangers of an inconsistent life! He has great wisdom on relationships … being faithful to one spouse, etc., and yet how many wives did he take? And, how many foreign wives did he take that God told him NOT to intermarry with? Great advice; not so great follow-through…
 
I had a boss, when I first got into business at the age of 18, who used to tell me this (his favorite saying): “Do as I say … not as I do!” Well, that was interesting. But, there wasn’t much motivation to follow someone who wasn’t willing to put their own advice into action!
 
In fact, there may be no surer way to make your kids despise & disregard God’s wisdom! Solomon’s instructions to his son were sound, but his personal example basically erased his wise counsel! His own life was inconsistent with his teaching. THERE IS NO GREATER MISTAKE A PARENT CAN MAKE! Genuine biblical wisdom involves not only right thinking, but right living, too; we have to be the example!
 
So, let’s turn to some of God’s vital lessons for life—lessons that, if learned, will help our children be a blessing to us … as well as being blessed by God! Again, this is wisdom that, if followed, can help their lives; if not, it can absolutely mess up their life… First:
 
TEACH YOUR CHILDREN TO FEAR THEIR GOD. Proverbs 1:7a (NIV) states: “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge….” In the Good News Bible, that same passage reads this way: “To have knowledge, you must first have reverence for the LORD. Stupid people have no respect for wisdom and refuse to learn.” Our kids need to be taught a full appreciation for ALL of God’s attributes: both LOVE and HOLINESS, not neglecting to teach about either one… Next,
 
TEACH YOUR CHILDREN TO GUARD THEIR MINDS. Proverbs 4:23 says, “Be careful how you think [heart = emotions & intellect]; your life is shaped by your thoughts.” In the day that we live in—THE AGE OF THE INTERNET, we need to emphasize this one more than ever … and with a balance! Parents can, and must, protect their children from exposure to the most unsavory aspects of modern media! It’s O.K. to allow our kids to make some choices about what they will watch and listen to … but within boundaries set by parents for their own good… At the same time, it’s almost impossible to ‘guard their minds’ against everything ungodly…
 
Have you driven down the interstate lately … and looked at the billboards? It was bad enough when my kids were growing up, but I’d hate to answer kids’ questions about some billboards and what they’re advertising … when the kids get to the point where they can read them! There’s some incredibly unsavory topics found on billboards today!
 
But, as we talked about earlier, isolationism is not the answer to success in parenting; every time we pass one of those billboards and our kids have questions … it’s an opportunity to teach discernment—to teach our kids about what’s right and what’s wrong and … how to ‘guard their minds’ as the Bible teaches… Then, we need to…
 
TEACH YOUR CHILDREN TO OBEY THEIR PARENTS. Proverbs 1:8 reminds us, “My child, pay attention to what your father and mother tell you.” In other words, heed your parents’ instruction; that’s what a wise person does!
 
A basic lesson to learn as a disciple of  Jesus Christ is to be obedient to all that God asks of us! Folks, how do you think our kids learn this incredible lesson? They learn by first learning to obey their parents; once they have a grasp on that, then being obedient to God becomes second nature…
 
Parents must teach their children obedience! This is by no means an optional aspect of parenting! The obedience they come to know in their relationship with God … begins in the home. And, yes, it may involve discipline (chastening) from time to time, for discipline helps conform their minds to wisdom…
 
Zig Ziglar—that salesman & motivational speaker extraordinaire, as well as a successful parent and grandparent—was once asked his secret to successful parenting … and his answer was: “Spank your kids and take them to church!” Two very important aspects of parents teaching Godly wisdom to their kids … discipline (chastening) and keeping them under the teaching of God’s word…
 
Spanking (chastening), biblically folks, was never intended to be retribution, administered out of sheer anger or exasperation; rather, the discipline (chastening) the Bible talks about is always administered with and tempered by … LOVE. But, it is mentioned (Proverbs 19:18) … and is an important part of the process of teaching our kids wisdom for life!
 
TEACH YOUR CHILDREN TO CHOOSE THEIR FRIENDS … WISELY. Solomon writes (Proverbs 13:20) – “Keep company with the wise and you will become wise. If you make friends with stupid people, you will be ruined.” Or, as my mom always put it plainly: “Choose your friends wisely!” It matters … because all of us have a tendency to be influenced by who we hang out with … and so do our kids!
 
Folks, here’s yet another opportunity to teach our kids discernment… Parents must take the offensive on this one! It is so important because this behavior carries over into adulthood … and can affect us all of our lives! Also,
 
TEACH YOUR CHILDREN TO CONTROL THEIR DESIRES. In Proverbs 2:16-19, Solomon waxes poetically in describing the severity of necessity here: “You will be able to resist any immoral woman who tries to seduce you with her smooth talk, 17 who is faithless to her own           husband and forgets her sacred vows. 18 If you go to her house, you are traveling the road to death. To go there is to approach the world of the dead. 19 No one who visits her ever comes back. He never returns to the road to life.”
 
The wise parent recognizes that all adolescents develop powerful passions that can eventually lead to their downfall, unless they learn to control those inner desires! Being intentionally blunt, let me say this: Fornication often brings a lifelong reproach.
  • Many lives have been utterly destroyed by a single act of unfaithfulness…
  • The spouse of one who’s been unfaithful may find it forever impossible to regain the trust once known…
  • Even if the offense is forgiven and the marriage saved, a measure of distrust often lingers for life…
Do you see why this is so important to teach to our kids? Again, as parents … genuine biblical wisdom involves not only right thinking, but right living, too; we have to be a Godly example for our kids… All of that being said, though, the gift of God, many times, is the second chance; let’s take that chance and teach our kids right! If we teach our kids not to walk where it’s slippery, we minimize the chances that they’ll fall…
 
TEACH YOUR CHILDREN TO WATCH THEIR WORDS. Proverbs 4:24 (MSG) tells us, “Don't talk out of both sides of your mouth; avoid careless banter, white lies, and gossip.” Parents need to teach their children to watch their words… Words are powerful: Words can make someone feel ten feet tall … AND, words can tear someone down so that they feel like nothing at all!
 
AND, let’s take special notice of Proverbs 12:22 – “The LORD hates [loves less] liars, but is pleased with those who keep their word.” It didn’t happen often, but even when I think about lying … the taste of soap comes to mind! Anyone else had that experience?
Teach your children to watch their words; there’re certain uses of those words (like lying) that God absolutely despises! Let’s even surrender our vocabulary to God…
 
TEACH YOUR CHILDREN TO LOVE THEIR NEIGHBORS. Proverbs 3:27-29 teaches, “Whenever you possibly can, do good to those who need it. 28 Never tell your neighbors to wait until tomorrow if you can help them now. 29 Don't plan anything that will hurt your neighbors; they live beside you, trusting you.”
 
The command to love one’s neighbor was a fundamental tenet of Moses’ Law (Lev. 19:18): “Do not take revenge on others or continue to hate them, but love your neighbors as you love yourself. I am the LORD.” The command to love your neighbor was also 2nd on Jesus’ list of greatest commandments (Matthew 22:39)…
 
Folks, teaching wisdom to our kids all begins with Deuteronomy 6:5—the greatest of commandments, according to Jesus:“Love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength.” How do we do that? First we LOVE GOD … putting God first in our lives in all that we are and all that we do. Then, that love is manifested in how we LOVE PEOPLE. And, if we learn to LOVE PEOPLE out of our LOVE for GOD, then we will serve them with our whole lives … including our neighbors. Teach your children this Godly wisdom … so they’ll know the difference between what’s of God … and what’s NOT … and they’ll be the blessing to you that God has intended…!



Good News for Our Kids

Posted by Rom A. Pegram Posted on 05-23-2010

The one practical question that I get asked often by parents is this: How should I teach the Gospel (the Good News about Jesus Christ) to my kids? My answer is usually … simply!

 
Pitfalls, both real and imagined, intimidate virtually every parent who thinks about this responsibility. On one hand, there’s the danger of oversimplification. On the other hand, we don’t want it to be too difficult, so that it’s way over their heads (and ours)! So, what’s the best approach to take?
 
If you’ve ever been a parent who is somewhat intimidated by the task of teaching about God to your children, let me say this: There’s no need to be! The Gospel is simple … and we need to present the simple Gospel … simply. Listen, first, look to what Jesus’ attitude was (is) toward our kids… 
Some people brought children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them, but the disciples scolded the people. 14 When Jesus noticed this, he was angry and said to his disciples, "Let the children come to me, and do not stop them, because the Kingdom of God belongs to such as these. 15 I assure you that whoever does not receive the Kingdom of God like a child will never enter it." 16 Then he took the children in his arms, placed his hands on each of them, and blessed them. – Mark 10:13-16 (TEV)
Folks, Jesus loved the little children; and, Jesus wants us to love the children, too! In fact, he wants us to have and to understand and to pass along the simple child-like faith that he found in children! They got to know him … and they loved him! We, as parents, need to be teaching our children to do the same—to get to know him … and love him! Let’s learn together about this task today (using outline)… Again, the story itself is really pretty simple; but, first let me say this: When it comes to sharing God with your kids…
 
TAKE YOUR TIME … AND BE THOROUGH! Sharing God with your kids is about something … eternal—not just for this life! So, let’s make sure that we treat this responsibility accordingly…
 
On Wednesday, this week, there’s a small ‘Cap Times’ paper that comes in our daily State Journal. On the inside cover of that paper, there was an advertisement that caught my eye. The advertisement read: FITNESS … is a lifelong pursuit!
 
This got me to thinking: Parenting is kind of like physical fitness, isn’t it? It’s not something we can leave alone too long … without consequences. And, the effort to maintain physical fitness … is never-ending … just like parenting!
 
I had a great conversation later on Wednesday with a long-time member of this church: Eddis Olson. She let me know that being a mom is a lifelong pursuit! She has two sons, one 60 years old, the other 64 years old. Guess what? They still call her … because they respect her opinion on things. Once a mom, always a mom! So, take your time and be thorough; you don’t have to rush through this thing; it won’t be over any time soon…
 
One last thing I want to share with you is this: Keep in mind that nothing a parent can do will actually guarantee your child’s salvation; we cannot believe for them by proxy. Genuine faith is prompted by God’s work in a child’s heart (John 6:44-45) … and true assurance of that salvation is the Holy Spirit’s work (Romans 8:15-16). Our part … is to always be about … pointing them toward Christ—a job that never ends…
 
TEACH THEM ‘THE WHOLE COUNSEL OF GOD.’   Don’t shortchange your kids … by taking too many shortcuts! Some in the Church today are quite frankly too prone to this kind of ‘gospel reductionism,’ I’ll call it… Too many evangelicals are obsessed with finding out how little of God’s truth a person can believe … and still get to heaven! Don’t go there … O.K.? It’s like this…
 
In looking to your parental responsibility to teach your kids about God, DON’T JUST DECIDE TO HAND THEM A TRACT … and that’s it!
 
“Here kid; read this, study this; when you’ve memorized it, everything’ll be O.K.!”
 
No!  As parents, we need to resist this kind of thinking! Going back to Deuteronomy 6:6-7, this sort of constant, faithful, diligent teaching that God requires of parents … is incompatible with a minimalist approach to the gospel!
 
Also, parents teaching their kids about God has to be personal; it needs to come out of your personal relationship with Christ! If it’s personal—real personal—then your kid’s going to know just how important the Gospel is … and begin to live it. If it matters to you, it’ll matter to them. Remember: the Gospel is more caught than taught… They’ve got to see the Good News in you, before they’ll consider living the life themselves… And, you need to teach them everything about who Jesus is, not just a part of it…
 
Again, DON’T JUST HAND YOUR KIDS A TRACT! That’s impersonal! Instead, take your time, be thorough and teach them all they need to know about life with God—the whole counsel of God! This leads me to the next step; here’ a whole class in a nutshell…
 
HIGHLIGHT THOSE THINGS MOST CRUCIAL TO THE GOSPEL!
 
Teach them about God’s holiness… Psalms 111:10a (NIV) says, “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom….” This isn’t a fear like ‘The Cowardly Lion’; rather it’s a healthy respect for God’s holiness—for not wanting to offend God’s holiness… We teach our kids to respect other things in life (i.e. like don’t put your hand on top of the stove, etc.), from birth; why not teach them about God’s holiness, too?
 
Show them their sin… Romans 3:23 (NIV) says plainly, “…all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God….” I used to hate when my parents told me this (a parental tactic to get me to behave?), but we need to teach our kids that ‘misbehavior is not just an offense against Mom &/or Dad; it’s also sin against a holy God (Exodus 20:12, Obey your parents)… But, we can’t fix this sin nature in us by ourselves…
 
Instruct them about Christ and what he has done… You have to bring your kids to understand that God made a way, through Jesus … for this tendency to ‘sin’ to be taken care of! Folks, Jesus is the heart of the Gospel message … so a focus on Jesus should be at the heart of all your spiritual instruction in the home! 2 Corinthians 5:21 (NIV)says, “God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.” Jesus took our place … and paid our debt, so we could be O.K. with God; teach them that!
 
Tell them what God demands of sinners… Acts 17:30 (NIV) is where to find it: “In the past God overlooked such ignorance, but now he commands all people everywhere to repent.” To repent = 180°turnaround; it’s a transformation of the heart! It’s the cocoon/butterfly thing; has your life been transformed like that? This is what you need to teach your kids… It’s a transformation from hate/love, from bitterness/love, from cynicism/love, from doubting/faith, from no hope/great hope … in Christ! When Christ is allowed into our lives, the transformation is as real as a cocoon transforming into a butterfly—something you can see, but REPENTENCE is the key here; teach your kids that!
 
Advise them to count the cost carefully… Mark 8:34-35 (NIV) says, “Then [Jesus] called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. 35 For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it.” Don’t downplay the hard demands of Christ; don’t portray the Christian life as something it’s not—a life of ease, free from hardship… Following Christ always involves sacrifice: Mike Slaughter always tells his congregation down at Ginghamsburg, “Being a Christian won’t cost you something; it’ll cost you everything!” If our kids are to know the life in Christ that God desires for them, God needs all of them for that to happen; they need to know that!
 
Urge them to trust Christ with their lives! 2 Corinthians 5:20 (NIV) tells us, “We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God.” Have you ever felt strongly about telling your kids something they really needed to hear—either begging them not to do something for their own good … or urging them to do something for their own good? That’s what we’re talking about here…
 
I was taught a long time ago (youth ministry training) that if we don’t win our young people to Christ by the time they’re 18 years old, 80% of them will never come to know Christ! If that doesn’t motivate you, I don’t know what will! We must urge our kids to trust Christ with their lives; he is their only hope! Finally…
 
TEACH YOUR CHILDREN DILIGENTLY… Today, all of this may seem somewhat intimidating as parents… You may be thinking:  Where was all of this when I needed it 20 years ago? Or, I’m in trouble; this has not been a part of my parenting to date; is it too late? The GOOD NEWS is this: It’s not too late! Why? Because, parenting … is a lifelong pursuit… But, along with that let me also say this: If you think your grasp of scripture and spiritual truth is insufficient to teach these things to your kids … You’d better start learning immediately!
 
Our E.T. Class, when it becomes available this fall, is a good way to learn the basics of the Christian faith … along with personal Bible reading… We’ve done our best in E.T., however, to take the intimidation out of learning about the basics of the faith … so pray about coming to join us for E.T. this fall!
 
We really do care about your children; we really do care about meeting your child’s greatest need! And, we care about parents being prepared … to point their kids toward Christ, when no one else will! Parenting is an opportunity that we don’t want to slip by, folks… Let’s make the most of it … together!



No Trash Talk … Just the Truth!

Posted by Rom A. Pegram Posted on 05-16-2010

Christian parents today seem to be begging for more detailed programs, step-by-step methodologies, and meticulous instructions … on how to raise their kids. Quite frankly, they seem to be looking everywhere …except to God’s word! And, if you hadn’t noticed, ‘parenting gurus’ are more than happy to oblige!

 
If you walk through a book store today … and go to the parenting section (even at Christian book stores), you will find a myriad of books for parenting God’s way! There are Christian methods for everything, like:
  • How to feed your infant or toddler…
  • How not to let anyone ‘rock’ your infant, otherwise they’ll not want to go to bed when they’re older (and, I’m not kidding!)…
  • Dos and Don’ts for governing preschoolers’ social lives … and similar rules for every stage of life up to marriage…
  • And, there are even books on ‘Christian methods of toilet-training’ for toddlers!
Shows you what I know; I didn’t even know there was a specifically Christian way to toilet-train! But, there it is on the bookshelves… Quite frankly, some of this Christian advice is far from being distinctively Christian at all—some of it being just bad advice…
 
Why do we, as Christian parents, want to make parenting (verb) so complex? Well, I think there’s at least one answer … and it’s this: We’re afraid…
 
As followers of Christ, we’re not supposed to live out of fear! Yet so many parents fear that they’ll ‘mess up’ raising their child (with catastrophic results)! Remember what I said two weeks ago: Parenting is supposed to be a joy, not a burden! God’s word consistently says (Psalm 127:3): “Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a real blessing.” Scripture never portrays parenting as an obstacle course with deadly pitfalls!
As parents, we just need to discover our kid’s greatest need—concentrating on that! If we can do that, we can work toward meeting their greatest need (instead of expending energy looking to other ‘Christian’ parenting methods)!
 
The Apostle Paul explains ‘the greatest need’ in this way (Rom. 5:12): “Sin came into the world through one man, and his sin brought death with it. As a result, death has spread to the whole human race because everyone has sinned.” Paul goes on to explain what we’ve inherited as humans (Rom. 5:18a & 19a): “So then … the one sin condemned all people…” (meaning we inherited the guilt of sin) … “And … all people were made sinners as the result of the disobedience of one man… (meaning we inherited the corruption of sin). This is known as ‘The Doctrine of Original Sin’ or ‘total depravity.’ And, according to God’s word, no one is exempt … including our kids who are human, too… Going way back to the Old Testament, King David understood this reality, when he wrote Psalm 51. Just listen… 
I recognize my faults; I am always conscious of my sins. 4 I have sinned against you—only against you— and done what you consider evil. So you are right in judging me; you are justified in condemning me. 5 I have been evil from the day I was born; from the time I was conceived, I have been sinful. – Psalm 51:3-5 (TEV)

We love to think of our kids as ‘innocent,’ don’t we? Well, they’ve had very little life experience and are naïve about many things, so in that sense it’s true. But, regarding a capacity for sin … they’re the same as us! John MacArthur helps us come to grips with this concept by saying: “…just recognize that your children are a miniature version of you.” We’re all born into ‘original sin,’ because of the affect of the Fall (Adam & Eve)… Know, beyond a doubt parents, that children do not go bad because of something their parents do; in fact, they’re born sinful … just like you and me! “No trash talk … just the truth!”

 
Now, I could spend a great deal of time talking about crazy parenting methods—some even called ‘Christian,’ but we haven’t the time today. Instead, I want to speak briefly to some popular ideas that’re not the answer to our kid’s greatest need, then move to the real answer… First, let me say this:
 
BEHAVIORISM IS NOT THE ANSWER! Certainly both manners & discipline are necessary aspects of proper parenting… But, teaching these things is no solution to the problem of ‘original sin’ (being born sinful/having a bent toward things not of God)! Teaching manners is important, yes … but it doesn’t solve the problem of original sin—the human condition we’re born with… Tacking on punishment for wrongdoing won’t solve the problem of original sin, either…
 
My relatives are all from the south—both my parents being from the Greensboro, North Carolina, area of the country. This didn’t make sense to us when we were kids (because we’d been raised in Wisconsin), but when we went south we soon noticed that kids there spoke to adults in a different way than we did. Any time they were spoken to (and that’s the only time they were supposed to speak to adults), their response was ‘Yes, Sir’ or ‘No Ma’am!’
 
But, what I also noticed was this: behind their parents backs, those same kids could be some of the most ill-behaved, unruly kids (even in church), especially when amongst peers and no adults were around. And, if you’ve ever been a teacher or a youth worker you know what I’m talking about when I say this: The parents, many times, seemed blissfully unaware of their child’s true character! Many hadn’t a clue…
 
Folks, it’s about working on the inside of our kids, as well as the outside! Original Sin—being totally depraved—is a heart thing! And working just on the outside behavior of our kids is not the answer! This is what straight-forward ‘behaviorism’ will get you: you are basically doing little more than training hypocrites… Though we didn’t always say ‘Yes, Sir’ or ‘No Ma’am,’ we saw through this … even as kids! Behaviorism is not the answer to your child’s greatest need! Add this to your list, too...
 
ISOLATIONISM IS NOT THE ANSWER! Building a cocoon around your children does not = success in parenting! Now, having said that, let me clarify: It is essential for Christian parents to provide some kind of insulation for their kids, but not isolation; there’s a difference… It’d be reckless parenting to allow your children to surf the Web unsupervised, listen to whatever music they want to listen to, or watch T.V. or movies without any parental oversight… However, without allowing some life experiences, how would we ever be able to fulfill our biblical parental duties of teaching ‘discernment’ to our kids? Let me give you an example from my own childhood…
 
Growing up, I had a mother who had the habit of spelling things, in speaking to my father, that she didn’t really want to be a family topic but a private one. What she didn’t realize, I guess, is that many times we were within earshot … and we could spell!
 
She’d speak to my father, who was downstairs by the laundry, and she’d say something like: “Honey, when you come back up, there’s some clothes in the dryer; could you please bring me my ‘B.R.A.’s’ and I’ll hang them in the bathroom?” Mom, we’re teenagers already; we can spell!
 
But then, when it came to certain topics in the home, we just didn’t talk about those things … out loud (and I still haven’t figured out how you’re supposed to talk about them if it’s not ‘out loud’). Anyway, certain topics like “S.E.X.” were considered taboo; and, for a time at least, I think my parents thought that they were preserving our innocence by simply not talking about such things—isolating us from the reality of certain topics.
 
I got news for all the parents here … and grandparents … and aunts & uncles, and so forth: Isolating your children from the truth—the way you want them to know it (hopefully, God’s truth on topics)—only results in them finding out about these things from some other source! And, I did … and so did my brothers & sisters … and it wasn’t always in a healthy way. If my parents would have just taken the time to sit us down and talk to us, teaching us discernment along the way, it would have been better! So, isolationism is not the answer to our kid’s greatest need … and finally,
 
SELF-ESTEEMISM IS NOT THE ANSWER! A popular philosophy in parenting says that parents should do everything possible to bolster their child’s self-esteem… If this was the case, most psychological/emotional problems would be solved … according to the experts!
 
What this line of thinking does, however, is it target parents … discounting the child’s spiritual condition. In other words, if something is wrong with the kid, it’s because the parents didn’t do all they were supposed to do in raising that kid—to give them healthy self-esteem… I was shocked to find out that a family member was in counseling one time … and all their problems were the parents fault! What’s wrong with this? There’s no accountability on the part of the adult child who was being counseled…
 
…and no acknowledgement of the reality of ‘original sin’ in the counseled person either—that we are in fact born depraved, vulnerable to sin. Self-esteemism is based on an unbiblical perspective. It’s diametrically opposed to the truth of human depravity (original sin); in fact, scripture commends self-control as a fruit of the Spirit, having nothing positive to say about self-esteem, self-love, or any other variety of self-centeredness. Self-esteemism is not the answer to your child’s greatest need…
 
The only remedy for the inborn depravity (Original Sin) of our kids is this: REGENERATION (also called being ‘born again’—new birth)! Jesus said to Nicodemus (Jn. 3:6-7): “A person is born physically of human parents, but is born spiritually of the Spirit. Do not be surprised because I tell you that you must all be born again.”
 
Scripture describes the unregenerate like this (Eph. 2:3): “Actually all of us … lived according to our natural desires, doing whatever suited the wishes of our own bodies and minds. In our natural condition we, like everyone else, were destined to suffer God's anger.” Like it or not, this is an apt description of our kids, too—until they allow Christ into their lives and are born again of the Spirit!
 
Your top-priority job as a parent … is to be an evangelist to your kids! (Remember Deuteronomy 6!) Teach your children the ways of God; teach them about God’s grace; show them their need for a Savior; and point them to Jesus … when no one else will; he is the only one who can meet their greatest need (depravity)!
 
And, parents, know this: Regeneration (being ‘born again’) is not something you can do for them; ‘new birth’ is the work of the Holy Spirit. Our main job is to point them to Jesus Christ … with our words and, more importantly, with our lives! As parents, we’re responsible to exalt Christ in our homes—to point our kids toward Jesus as the One & only Savior…
 
So, why do we make parenting so complex? Because, usually out of fear, we focus our energies on things like self-image, managing external behavior, protecting our kids from outside influences, or other approaches that deal with symptoms … rather than the cause! We need to quit listening to the world and listen to God’s word—focusing our energies on pointing them toward Christ! That’s the greatest gift—as a parent—we can give them! That’s the answer … to their greatest need!



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