How do you feel about … forgiveness, today? Is it an important part of our lives as followers of Christ? Is it something that we should always be willing to do? And, do others need it?
The truth is … everyone needs a little forgiveness at times… And, we—as followers of Christ—are in need of offering it, being the bearers of forgiveness. Our Bible story for today is a story of ‘the possibility of forgiveness.’ The Apostle Paul, in prison at Rome, writes to a wealthy man who had become a Christian and now has a church—a body of believers—that meets in his home… Listen, if you will, to this amazing letter by Paul (Philemon 1-25, NLT):
“This letter is from Paul, a prisoner for preaching the Good News about Christ Jesus, and from our brother Timothy. I am writing to Philemon, our beloved co-worker, 2 and to our sister Apphia, and to our fellow soldier Archippus, and to the church that meets in your house. 3 May God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ give you grace and peace.
4 I always thank my God when I pray for you, Philemon, 5 because I keep hearing about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all of God’s people. 6 And I am praying that you will put into action the generosity that comes from your faith as you understand and experience all the good things we have in Christ. 7 Your love has given me much joy and comfort, my brother, for your kindness has often refreshed the hearts of God’s people. 8 That is why I am boldly asking a favor of you. I could demand it in the name of Christ because it is the right thing for you to do.
9 But because of our love, I prefer simply to ask you. Consider this as a request from me—Paul, an old man and now also a prisoner for the sake of Christ Jesus. 10 I appeal to you to show kindness to my child, Onesimus. I became his father in the faith while here in prison. 11 Onesimus hasn’t been of much use [italics mine] to you in the past, but now he is very useful [italics mine] to both of us.
12 I am sending him back to you, and with him comes my own heart. 13 I wanted to keep him here with me while I am in these chains for preaching the Good News, and he would have helped me on your behalf. 14 But I didn’t want to do anything without your consent. I wanted you to help because you were willing, not because you were forced.
15 It seems Onesimus ran away for a little while so that you could have him back forever.
16 He is no longer like a slave to you. He is more than a slave, for he is a beloved brother, especially to me. Now he will mean much more to you, both as a man and as a brother in the Lord.17 So if you consider me your partner, welcome him as you would welcome me. 18 If he has wronged you in any way or owes you anything, charge it to me. 19 I, PAUL, WRITE THIS WITH MY OWN HAND: I WILL REPAY IT. AND I WON’T MENTION THAT YOU OWE ME YOUR VERY SOUL! 20 Yes, my brother, please do me this favor for the Lord’s sake. Give me this encouragement in Christ. 21 I am confident as I write this letter that you will do what I ask and even more!
22 One more thing—please prepare a guest room for me, for I am hoping that God will answer your prayers and let me return to you soon. 23 Epaphras, my fellow prisoner in Christ Jesus, sends you his greetings. 24 So do Mark, Aristarchus, Demas, and Luke, my co-workers. 25 May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit.”
Folks, all Christians needs to live life with an attitude of reconciliation. Why? Because, everyone is important to God! Even those we struggle to relate to, those who seem to be acting in ways not consistent with the Gospel, those who drive us crazy—everyone is important to God! And, we should want to be in a good relationship with all who are important to God! In Christ, everyone is equal…
This is why this story is so radical! The idea that a slave (Onesimus) could be received as a ‘brother’ or ‘son’ (by Philemon) totally went against the culture of the day! In Christ, everyone is important—all the same in God’s eyes. What a wonderful lesson for us to remember. Regardless of how the world treats us, we are all of the same incredible importance to God! So, don’t ever get down on yourself, thinking that God somehow thinks less of you for any reason. That is NEVER the truth! God won’t even hold our sins against us, if we confess our sins and ask for forgiveness! Jesus made all of that possible … and we’ll celebrate that together towards the end of this service…
So, how important was the idea of reconciliation (patching up relationships, keeping relationships healthy) for Paul? And, how did he handle this very sensitive situation that he found himself in the middle of—the strained relationship of Philemon and Onesimus? Well, let’s begin today by looking at Paul’s strategy toward the reconciliation of these two men. And, as we do that, ask yourself: How am I to begin to reconcile relationships that seem absolutely impossible? Again, here’s how Paul begins…
THE STRATEGY OF RECONCILIATION. Verses 1-3 tell us, “This letter is from Paul … I am writing to Philemon, our beloved co-worker, 2 and to our sister Apphia, and to our fellow soldier Archippus, and to the church that meets in your house. 3May God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ give you grace and peace.”
Paul begins by cheerfully greeting Philemon AND HIS FAMILY, calling them by name—Philemon (brother), his wife (sister), and his son (a ‘fellow soldier’)… In verses 4-7, Paul compliments Philemon, honestly telling him what he means to him… In verses 8-9, Paul appeals to Philemon on the basis of love, affirming that his attitude was not dictatorial or manipulative… Then, in verses 10-11, Paul uses some unexpected humor by making a pun on Onesimus’s name (and you didn’t think Paul had a sense of humor)…
You see, the name ‘Onesiumus’ literally means ‘useful’ or ‘one who is useful.’ Knowing that, Paul plays on the word (vv. 10-11): “I appeal to you to show kindness to my child, Onesimus [useful]. I became his father in the faith while here in prison. 11 Onesimus hasn’t been of much use [italics mine] to you in the past, but now he is very useful [italics mine] to both of us.”
What was Paul teaching here in his own humorous way? God is able to take what was one time useless … and turn it into something that is now useful, especially to the Kingdom of God! God can and does transform lives! That’s what the Spirit of God is all about; that, folks, is … the power of love! (Huey Lewis had it right!) Folks, let’s learn from this story in the New Testament…
If we want to experience reconciliation in our lives, WE MUST…
- Take time to reflect on where people are… Get to know how they are feeling, how they perceive the problem, and how they think we perceive them. Then, let them know honestly how much you think of them—sometimes face-to-face, sometimes in writing (and God will lead you to know the very best way to do this … and the timing of it)…
- Learn to choose our words carefully… Always be sensitive to where people are at by the way you choose your words … carefully! And then…
- Be positive! Paul’s approach was absolutely positive in every way. Sometimes, we don’t feel like being positive—especially in the midst of very negative situations, but by the power of God’s Spirit that lives in us we can do it…
Christian sensitivity, loving tact, and optimism fueled by the Holy Spirit are absolutely essential to the reconciliation of human relationships! With these things in place, Paul then experienced…
THE SUCCESS OF RECONCILIATION. Verses 17-21 remind us of the story: “So if you consider me your partner, welcome him as you would welcome me. 18 If he has wronged you in any way or owes you anything, charge it to me. 19 I, PAUL, WRITE THIS WITH MY OWN HAND: I WILL REPAY IT. AND I WON’T MENTION THAT YOU OWE ME YOUR VERY SOUL! 20 Yes, my brother, please do me this favor for the Lord’s sake. Give me this encouragement in Christ. 21 I am confident as I write this letter that you will do what I ask and even more!”
Our own family has had a struggle over the past few years with a particular relationship. One of my identical twin cousins … had identical twins of her own—Marcy & Mindy. Several years ago now, Mindy (a registered nurse in GSO), ran off to get married and basically cut her family off. She never spoke to her sister, her mom or dad, etc. She never showed up at family functions, including some very important funerals that took place over those years. We believe today that she was rebelling against her mother who (unfortunately, she gets this honestly) wanted to run her life…
Needless to say, the whole family has been praying for these relationships to heal. A short time ago, after the birth of her first child, Mindy got in touch with her folks … and the relationships began to mend… And that takes time; even though things are better, they’re still not perfect, but we’re headed in the right direction…
Take time to reflect on where people are; neither side was really considering the others feelings for quite some time. Healing began when they did…
Learn to choose your words carefully; Mindy’s dad telling his son-in-law that he was going to kill him (in anger, of course) didn’t help the situation any. It was after time took care of the feelings and everyone began to speak to one another with love that the turn-around began to take place…
Be positive; no one was positive for a long, long time … when Mindy ran away. But over time, and because of a great deal of prayer for all parties involved, attitudes began to come around…
Folks, if we want to experience success in reconciliation, WE MUST … have a positive expectation regarding the actions of the other—not because of our own ability to love, but because of God’s love that lives in us!
An attitude of reconciliation is what we must have, as followers of Jesus Christ. Holding grudges or ‘unforgiveness’ is a burden on us that God cannot bless! Do you want any part of your life to be something God cannot bless? We need his blessings on all of our life! But, when we’re unforgiving, that ties God’s hands … and we’re cut off from having his very best!
Jesus said (paraphrased, of course), “Forgive others … as I have forgiven you!” How’s that? Unconditionally—whether they ever say ‘I’m sorry’ or not, our Christian duty … is to forgive! God’s Spirit of Reconciliation is what we need to allow to live in and through us…