It’s been said that the greatest of all illusions … is the illusion of control. Yet, when we find ourselves in Plan B situations in life, this seems to be what we fall for right away! I’ll never forget the first time in my adult life that God woke me up to this painful reality…
When Jane and I got married, I thought God wanted the perfect marriage—our life together—that Jane and I wanted, complete with very little problems. But, that just wasn’t to be the case. Our wedding went fine. Before we got married, I’d assured Jane’s parents that I had a good job; they didn’t have to worry about their little girl any longer. I would take care of her—promise! We got married, went on our honeymoon, and came home. Jane was going to take a couple of weeks to settle into the house before she went looking for a job. In the meantime, I went back to work … sort of.
I walked into the office the first workday after our honeymoon and I didn’t even get to my desk before my boss said, “Junior, clean out your desk!” The ‘Junior’ thing didn’t surprise me; he always called me ‘Junior,’ but ‘CLEAN OUT YOUR DESK?’ What had I done wrong? And I asked him. His response was: “Nothing. I’m cleaning out my desk, too. The company went belly up—Chapter 11—while you were off honeymooning!” So, I cleaned out my desk and proceeded to drive home to tell Jane the good news…
So, do you remember the first time you realized you weren’t in control? Listen to today’s Bible story, as we see King David several years later (from 2 Samuel 15:7-13)…
After four years, Absalom said to the king, “Let me go to Hebron to offer a sacrifice to the LORD and fulfill a vow I made to him. 8 For while your servant was at Geshur in Aram, I promised to sacrifice to the LORD in Hebron if he would bring me back to Jerusalem.” 9 “All right,” the king told him. “Go and fulfill your vow.” So Absalom went to Hebron. 10 But while he was there, he sent secret messengers to all the tribes of Israel to stir up a rebellion against the king. “As soon as you hear the ram’s horn,” his message read, “you are to say, ‘Absalom has been crowned king in Hebron.’” 11 He took 200 men from Jerusalem with him as guests, but they knew nothing of his intentions. 12 While Absalom was offering the sacrifices, he sent for Ahithophel, one of David’s counselors who lived in Giloh. Soon many others also joined Absalom, and the conspiracy gained momentum. 13 A messenger soon arrived in Jerusalem to tell David, “All Israel has joined Absalom in a conspiracy against you!” 2 Samuel 15:7-13 (NLT)
In 2 Samuel, Chapters 13-16, we pick up David’s story again, but at a much later time in his life. He’s already king. His children are full-grown … and there is mayhem [have you seen the insurance commercials?] in his family. His firstborn son is Amnon. He’s fallen in love—or in lust—with his half-sister, Tamar. And even back in those days, lusting after one’s sister was a big no-no! One day, Amnon gets the bright idea to fake being sick, so that Tamar will come and take care of him and feed him. This way, he can be alone with her. Just as planned, Tamar comes to take care of him; Amnon takes advantage of the situation, and ends up raping her…
Now we really have a problem. After he ruined Tamar’s life, Amnon decides he wants nothing more to do with her [which is so typically male, by the way]. He tells her he never wants to see her again and has her thrown out of the palace. Needless to say, Tamar is distraught!
Then, when King David finds out all that has taken place, he makes the very unwise choice of … doing nothing. [He may be a man after God’s own heart, but in the parenting area … he is lacking!] However, another son by the name of Absalom [Tamar’s full brother] just can’t ignore this situation. His sister’s been violated … and somebody needs to do something about it! So, he bides his time and plans out the best way to seek revenge on Amnon. Absalom waits patiently—two years to be exact. Then, he throws a big party and invites all of this brothers & sisters. There at the party, in front of everyone, he comes up and murders Amnon. He purposefully revenges his sister with this action. [Where is Jerry Springer when you need him?] After the murder, Absalom becomes a fugitive. So, now David has a broken daughter in Tamar. Amnon, his firstborn, is dead. And Absalom, whom David dearly loves, is a murderer on the run…
More years go by, but eventually Absalom returns to Jerusalem and starts to serve as a judge and advisor outside the city. The Bible tells us, at this point, that over time Absalom wins over the hearts of the people. As David has become way too busy to be accessible to the people like he used to be, they begin to look at Absalom as the one who was like David used to be. And Absalom, who is still furious with his father for not protecting his sister, has another plan up his sleeve. With the hearts of the people now on his side, he devises a plan to overthrow David and become the next king.
Again, in 2 Samuel 15:13, a messenger comes to David with the news that Absalom’s conspiracy is now gaining strength. “A messenger soon arrived in Jerusalem to tell David, ‘All Israel has joined Absalom in a conspiracy against you!’” This is a painful moment for David. For one who’s spent his whole life preparing for and living out his dream of being king, here his entire reality comes crashing down!
And now, this reality sets in. His son has, in effect, declared war on him. His dream is clearly at risk and will likely shatter. So, what does David do next? Does he run? Does his lie & try to manipulate the situation? I think he might have learned a thing of two at Nob … and that experience made a lasting impression on David. Listen to what happened next (2 Samuel 15:14-15, NLT):
“Then we must flee at once, or it will be too late!” David urged his men. “Hurry! If we get out of the city before Absalom arrives, both we and the city of Jerusalem will be spared from disaster.” 15 “We are with you,” his advisers replied. “Do what you think is best.”
Hundreds of people were killed because he lied and manipulated the truth back at Nob. In David’s frantic attempt to control his circumstances he abandoned many of his core values. He’s not willing to do that again. So, he peacefully leaves the city and the crown to his ambitious, angry son… But, the story doesn’t end there: Listen (vv. 24-26)…
Zadok and all the Levites also came along, carrying the Ark of the Covenant of God. They set down the Ark of God, and Abiathar offered sacrifices until everyone had passed out of the city. 25 Then the king instructed Zadok to take the Ark of God back into the city. “If the LORD sees fit,” David said, “he will bring me back to see the Ark and the Tabernacle again. 26 But if he is through with me, then let him do what seems best to him.”
Did you hear those last words of David? “…let [God] do what seems best to him.” These words, folks, are a monumental shift in David’s life. David, here, is doing more than giving up his throne; he’s recognizing that God is God … and he is not! He’s recognizing that all control is simply an illusion and surrender to God is really the only option! Folks, again, the greatest illusion of all … is the illusion of control! And, there are at least a couple of things that can happen to us in life that will show us that truth clearly! First…
EATING HUMBLE PIE … USUALLY LETS US KNOW THAT WE’RE NOT IN CONTROL… We need to get to the point in our lives where we can surrender control … to God … or acknowledge that God is the only one in control to begin with!
Pastor Pete Wilson tells this story, which I think every pastor can relate to in one way or another: “A bit of background. As the pastor of a growing church in Nashville, I am often approached by people on the street who know me. Many of them are part of our congregation or people who have visited our church. The trouble is, it’s almost impossible for me to know everyone in the church on sight. So while I generally cherish these brief encounters and conversations, I’ve developed a habit to avoid the embarrassment of not recognizing someone. I usually approach people with a smile, assuming I know them.
One Sunday evening recently I was driving back to the church to speak at our six o’clock service. I decided to walk into Blockbuster to pick up a video to watch with [my wife] later that night. As soon as I walked through the door, a nice Blockbuster employee said, “Hey, Pastor Pete, I really enjoyed this morning’s service.” I gave him a friendly thanks and made sure I got his name. Around the next corner was another [parishioner … and so things went]…
A few minutes later, while I was browsing the New Release section, a woman I didn’t recognize walked up and said, “Excuse me.” I instinctively answered, “Hey, how are you?” and gave her a little side-ways hug. She stared back at me with this who-in-the-heck-are-you look and said, “I was just wondering if you had seen this movie before.”
To say I was embarrassed and humiliated would be an understatement. I had just hugged a complete stranger in Blockbuster!
Eating ‘humble pie’ usually lets us know that we’re not in control, doesn’t it? Here’s something else that makes clear that control is really an illusion…
EXPERIENCING SPEECHLESSNESS … USUALLY LETS US KNOW THAT WE’RE NOT IN CONTROL… In other words, when you’re in the midst of something and there just are no words, you come to know that it is not YOU who is in control!
I know it’s probably hard to even imagine Rom being speechless, but when my mother died, I was. I came to a place in my life where I was so angry … because I had no control over my mother’s death … that it affected everything, every relationship in my life … including with God. I could not pray! And in the midst of this situation, I learned in no uncertain terms that … Rom wasn’t in control!
It’s time like this when Romans 8:25-26 comes to mind– “But if we look forward to something we don’t yet have, we must wait patiently and confidently.) 26 And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words.” Perhaps you’ve been here, too, where you can only cry out to God and say ‘help!’ Other than that, you’re speechless…
Folks, the only thing we do control is how we respond to our Plan Bs!
Option #1 – You can allow fear, anger, and disappointment to just rage! But you need to know that rage will affect every relationship you touch, every job you have, every plan you dream. One thing carries over into another. We’ve all met people who live the rest of their lives bitter after some kind of life experience that didn’t turn out the way they wanted it to turn out. They never worked through the pain, and because of that they continue to inflict emotional turmoil on themselves and others. So that’s probably not the best option…
Option #2 – You can keep trying harder. You can turn yourself inside-out trying to make things happen. You can keep throwing yourself at your problems, and wear yourself out yanking on all those puppet strings. But the truth is, as hard as you try, your dreams may still come crashing down before you … along with some of your most treasured relationships, if you’re not careful!
Option #3 – You can get to the place in your relationship with God where you’re willing to say, “Not my will, but yours be done. I’m not in control. You are.” If you can leave the puppet strings in the hands of someone who actually knows what he’s doing, you’ll have a lot better chance of surviving your Plan Bs—those unexpected circumstances in life…
David’s situation of humility was a bit painful. As you read the rest of the story, you’ll find out that taking over the throne wasn’t enough for Absalom; he and his army came after David and his army. That was a mistake. David’s army cleaned up … and his son—totally against David’s wishes—was killed. The victory was bitter-sweet. But David is still king. He’s retained his throne after all. And he’s done it not by manipulation, but by surrender. He had to get to the point where he could say, “Not my dream, not my picture of the way my life should be, but your dream, God.” Your will be done…
Do you remember the story of Christmas, from Nazareth, how the angel came and spoke to Mary and told her not to be afraid. Here she was, a young, poor Jewish girl—scared to death because of the circumstances now before her … but her response to the angel was (Luke 1:38, MSG): “…‘Yes, I see it all now: I’m the Lord’s maid, ready to serve. Let it be with me just as you say.’ ….” Let it be: Words that will help us to surrender—our circumstances, our lives. “Lord, let it be with me … just as YOU say!”